My boyfriend and I talked about babies last night since it was our 5th anniversary.
Normally when we talk about babies, I get broody and he finds it funny and tries to distract me from seriously thinking about babies, but he did say yesterday that we would probably need to have had kids within 5 years, since he'll be coming up to his 38th birthday in 5 years.
So I started to think about it, and a worry I've had came up.
I have a lot of bad medical conditions.
I am physically disabled and I have mental health problems.
1 of the conditions I have confirmed DX for has a tendancy to be passed on to children this can be very physically disabling.
1 is a definite genetic coding, and that's my mental health issue.
1 of the conditions I'm waiting for tests to confirm is a genetic coding thing as well.
1 of the conditions I have I don't know about; apparently it's just about impossible that I was born with it on both sides of my body anyway.
1 of the conditions I'm not sure about whether it's inheritable, but my Dad and my Sister have it...
And I have minor asthma and psoriasis, and my boyfriend has pretty bad excma so our kids would probably get excma (sorry I don't know how to spell that!) as well.
Ignoring the physical difficulties I'd have to go through to actually carry a baby 9 months and give birth, I'm REALLY worried that if we have children they're going to have to suffer the horrible disabilities I've suffered from.
If I got pregnant, there would be no question; we would have that child. I am pro-choice, but I could not have an abortion myself due to Religious beliefs.
My boyfriend is ok with that and fully supportive of that choice.
But although I think that giving a disabled child the chance of a life is a good thing, I'm not sure I could actively plan for a child when I know that doing that could bring a disabled child in to the world. I don't think it would be fair.
And there are plenty of children needing adoption who would benefit massively from a couple that really do want children and would love them where they may not have the best life in the foster system.
Is this the right decision?
We're not even going to be trying right now; I'm a mature student, and looking at it I think the best time regarding my degree, and our ages is probably in 2-3 years, but it's nagging at me now, and I've heard that adoption can take years, especially since I'm disabled, though they say that won't count against me; in fact it can be a good thing because any children we adopt would learn about disability early in life, or we'd have a better idea of how to cope with a child with disabilities.
Also, if anyone knows; I was abused as a child, will that count against me at all? I personally think it's more likely to make me love children more and make sure they're protected, but there's all those weird stats out there about abused kids becoming abusers themselves and stuff; it worries me that social services might not want to adopt a child out to someone who was abused.
If this is the wrong community to ask this, I'm sorry!
I couldn't find another really active community to ask this!